How To: Prepare Your House for a Zombie Apocalypse

With All Hallows’ Eve just around the gravestone, it’s only natural to start thinking about your hypothetical escape plan should flesh-eating stalkers begin to rise from the dead and start terrorizing the earth. Some of you may have already broken ground on a secret underground lair, but just in case you haven’t, here are some tips on how to stay safe during a zombie invasion.

Dead-Proof Doors & Windows

One of the simplest ways to combat these gruesome corpses is to install stainless-steel doors. Affordable and impenetrable, these doors will prove to be their worst nightmare, especially if you add a deadbolt or bar lock for extra protection. However, solely strengthening the doors would be an amateur mistake.

We’ve all seen countless horror film stars bite the dust after forgetting to reinforce a window or two. Trust us, when hundreds of zombies are headed towards you, you’re going to be thankful you purchased those tempered-glass windows and wrought iron security bars. For maximum protection against our undead friends, it’s always a good idea to seal the windows with plywood. Blackout curtains are also a must so you can stay out of sight from not only the living dead, but also any raiders who have targeted your supplies.

Fences—The Modern Day Moat

Your HOA may reject plans for a giant electric fence you installed, but zoning and community aesthetics aren’t the priority during a zombie invasion. If an electric fence is a little overkill, consider building a chain-link, wrought iron, or cinderblock version (at least 8-12” high) around your property and pray it’s tall enough that those nasty nightwalkers can’t climb it.

Personal Protection

Countless horror flicks have taught us that the best way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain. Household tools, a baseball bat, pots and pans, toilet lid, cookie sheet and fire extinguishers are all good options. Bonus points if the same tool can also be used to properly bury them … hopefully for good, in their final resting place.

Stock Up on Supplies

Since your neighborhood pizza guy has probably already been zombiefied, it’s probably best you fend for yourself on this one. Treat a zombie invasion as you would a natural disaster and stockpile bottled water, nonperishable foods, first-aid supplies, candles, and batteries (at least a month’s supply). To keep a well-balanced diet, we recommend peanut butter (high in protein), whole grain crackers (high in fiber), dried fruit, canned soups and vegetables, and multivitamins.

While you may be able to weather the storm, it’s reasonable to assume that your power supply won’t be as lucky. Invest now in a gas-fueled generator as an alternative. 

Don’t be caught dead without a plan … how will you survive the zombie apocalypse?